I have realised something about myself this last 12 months or so…I’ll admit, I feel equal parts slightly embarrassed, and also strangely delighted that at the age of 42 there are some really big things about who I am, woven threads of what makes me, me – that I’m only just really beginning to properly understand and be really okay with.
I have realised that my pace is a slow one.
I’m slow to make decisions…I’m slow to get on board with ideas…and I’m slow to follow them through. I’m slow to realise what I need and what I want (see my point above!) and I’m often slow to reflect and adjust accordingly.
But I’ve also realised that it’s okay to go with the slow.
I’ve spent years trying to bully myself into being more decisive and quicker to choose, telling myself that a lack of speed is a major failing, a procrastination tool, a confirmation that I’m flaky and can’t commit. I’ve tied myself up in knots with self criticism about how as an entrepreneur and a business owner I have to be quick off the mark, to make a call, choose the ‘right’ thing, and to know my own mind.
But actually it’s none of those things. I’m just a human being who takes time to figure out what feels right.
I’ve always blamed it on fear. Fear of making a mistake, of choosing wrong and of what the consequences might be. But although I’m aware that a small part of it probably is that, or certainly has been in the past, I know it’s not the full reason I take my time. It’s just how I was made.
It’s frustrating sometimes, of course it is. I’m the running joke in my circle of friends because I’ve been known (on more than one occasion) to chase a waiter across the restaurant after I’ve ordered because I rushed into deciding what to eat and I changed my mind. It’s why my worst nightmare would be a major home renovation, as just the thought of having all those decisions to make literally makes my heart beat triple in speed.
But it’s also part of what makes me absolutely 100% me and I’m learning to love it. I think we all let the world convince us that there are many parts of us that aren’t right, or aren’t enough. That we’d be better and do better if we were or did more X,Y or Z. But the truth is that working with, rather than against those parts of us that are simply who we are, is a much lovelier and kinder way to live.
I wonder if some of the magic that make you who you are, you think you should change to ‘do it right’ too? I’m finding that life feels much gentler when we start to lean into that magic and start to accept it rather than try to push it away.
Anyway, over to biscuits…
Biscuits of the week…
I loved baking these thank yous from a bride and groom for their wedding party – aren’t they gorgeous!
Do not forget that if our standard sets do not quite send the right message…you can choose your own!
Have a lovely end to July…how did that happen?!
Love
Caroline
💕
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This week I’m…
Hugging more... I read somewhere that the optimal hug time is 20 seconds for oxytocin (the feel-good hormone) to be released, and that creates a stronger bond and connection between the huggers. Granted it feels a bit weird at first, and I wouldn't try it with people you don’t know so well, but I’ve been long hugging with my friends, and it just somehow makes me feel so much more 'in the moment'. It's lovely!
Watching…Prima Facie I couldn’t get tickets to see this at the theatre in London, but our local cinema was screening a filming from one of the London performances and it was INCREDIBLE. So powerful, so thought provoking and absolutely amazing performance by Jodie comer. I can’t recommend it enough (TW: sex, violence & rape).
Reading and cooking… from Melissa Helmsleys new cookbook Feel Good. I’ve always been super interested in nutrition and feeding myself well, and kept seeing so many delicious looking recipes on Melissa’s Instagram account. So I bought her new book and it’s reignited my cooking mojo in a big way - deeeelicious AND nourishing, what’s not to love! [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
